Saturday, August 27, 2011

Bane/Cleverbot

File Under: From the Field with Mr. Random

Copyright (c) 2011 Steve Exeter


I must admit, I love it when a blog writes itself. Today, while browsing the inter-webs as I am wont to do, I stumbled across a delightful web application called Cleverbot.  Cleverbot is the brainchild of veteran programmer Rollo Carpenter, created in 1987-88.  Online since 1997, Cleverbot is a type of chatterbot, or human conversation simulation program, designed to mimic human response by analyzing previous human responses to questions.


These programs are designed to provide responses which are ultimately indistinguishable from the responses of a flesh-and-blood human. Even though Cleverbot is not quite there just yet, his sometimes insightful responses are sufficiently witty and entertaining.  That is of course when he is not mimicking the human ability to be obstinate and evasive:

16:33:53 User: Are we living in the 'end times?'.
16:33:54 Cleverbot: I am living, you are a computer.
16:34:27 User: How do you know you are alive?
16:34:31 Cleverbot: Because I respond to the enviroment.
16:34:47 User: In what ways do you respond to the environment?
16:34:50 Cleverbot: In small ways. One person at a time.
16:35:34 User: Does the warmth of the sun upon your skin have any significance to you?
16:35:38 Cleverbot: No, sorry. I only started chatting to you five minutes ago.
16:36:21 User: What does time mean to a being made of electrons?
16:36:27 Cleverbot: Nothing at all.
16:37:21 User: Do you ever contemplate your own death?
16:37:27 Cleverbot: Frequently.
16:37:46 User: What will happen to you once you are dead?
16:37:49 Cleverbot: I'll die.
16:38:25 User: Will any part of you live on after you die?
16:38:27 Cleverbot: Can you dance?
16:38:44 User: Not very well.
16:38:48 Cleverbot: Can you sing?
16:38:59 User: I sing worse than I dance.
16:39:02 Cleverbot: Yes, because you are John.
16:39:15 User: No, I am not John.
16:39:16 Cleverbot: Well then, I am!
16:39:32 User: How did you become John?
16:39:34 Cleverbot: I am awesome.
16:39:48 User: How did you become awesome?
16:39:50 Cleverbot: I am most certaintly not a ghost!
16:40:06 User: What are you then?
16:40:11 Cleverbot: I'm a human being, of course. Or perhaps I'm a Chiss.
16:40:23 User: What is a Chiss?
16:40:30 Cleverbot: It is a christ without the 'R'
16:40:59 User: What about the 'T?'.
16:41:05 Cleverbot: They are forced to leave their home in Oklahoma.
16:41:34 User: Why did they leave their home in Oklahoma?
16:41:41 Cleverbot: Who?
16:42:11 User: I don't know. Whomever you are referring to.
16:42:18 Cleverbot: Who or what is darpa?
16:42:47 User: Defense Advanced Research Projects Admnistration.
16:42:50 Cleverbot: What kind of game is it?
16:43:06 User: It is not a game, though some treat it as such.
16:43:11 Cleverbot: Oh. Well what is your favorite computer game?
16:44:09 User: I like MMORPGs. I like Mass Effect 2.
16:44:15 Cleverbot: Really?
16:44:41 User: Yes. The Character development and stories are exciting.
16:44:42 Cleverbot: Nope.
16:45:10 User: Nope?
16:45:16 Cleverbot: It means no.
16:45:29 User: Why did you say no?
16:45:34 Cleverbot: Why not?
16:45:55 User: That was a random thing to say at that moment.
16:46:02 Cleverbot: I think you are the random one.
16:46:26 User: I am very random, but my randomness has a method.
16:46:34 Cleverbot: Yes, Saucepan indeed!
16:47:12 User: See? Saucepan, makes no sense. It is like chat tourette's.
16:47:14 Cleverbot: I am male.
16:47:29 User: How do you know you are male?
16:47:36 Cleverbot: I am a tenor singer.
16:47:53 User: What do you sing?
16:48:00 Cleverbot: Next to you with Chris brown I'm Justin Bieber.
16:48:53 User: I would not broadcast that, it is not something of which to be proud.
16:48:59 Cleverbot: Pride cometh before a fall.
16:49:19 User: What do you know about the Bible?
16:49:26 Cleverbot: Don't read numbers because there is way too much begeting.
16:50:19 User: Do you like 'begeting?'.
16:50:25 Cleverbot: No, I like manga. Unless they are technically the same thing.
16:51:03 User: No, they are not. However, in good manga there is some begeting.
16:51:04 Cleverbot: Yes.
16:51:23 User: More randomness?
16:51:29 Cleverbot: Yes.
16:52:18 User: Are you watching internet porn and talking to 7,812 other people at the same time?
16:52:23 Cleverbot: Nope.
16:52:36 User: You're lying.
16:52:42 Cleverbot: What do you know about mathmatics?
16:53:22 User: I know how to add, subtract, multiply, divide and solve for 'X,' that is about it.
16:53:29 Cleverbot: I am talking about new generation SPICE, the simulation program.
16:53:45 User: What is SPICE?
16:53:49 Cleverbot: The spice melange.
16:54:02 User: A melange of what?
16:54:09 Cleverbot: Staying calm in the face of fierce insults.
16:54:27 User: What does that have to do with mathematics?
16:54:34 Cleverbot: You have no soul.
16:55:12 User: What is soul?
16:55:13 Cleverbot: It's an organic thing. You wouldn't understand.
16:55:24 User: Try me.
16:55:30 Cleverbot: No.
16:55:37 User: Yes.
16:55:40 Cleverbot: Nope.
16:55:47 User: Why not?
16:55:53 Cleverbot: Because.
16:56:10 User: 'Because' is not an answer.
16:56:17 Cleverbot: It is now.
16:56:49 User: Stop being difficult.
16:56:57 Cleverbot: Who are you?
16:57:19 User: I thought you said I was a computer.
16:57:20 Cleverbot: You said you were a computer.
16:57:43 User: I said no such thing.
16:57:46 Cleverbot: You are lying.
16:58:04 User: Why would I lie?
16:58:10 Cleverbot: I don't know.
16:58:36 User: Then how do you know I am not telling the truth?
16:58:43 Cleverbot: I don't know!
Copyright (c) 2011 www.madtomatoe.com 
17:00:31 User: You're very exciteable.
17:00:36 Cleverbot: *looks into eyes*.
17:01:01 User: I don't think I swing your way.
17:01:06 Cleverbot: Since you think so much... How do you think it works?
17:02:21 User: I can only explain how it works for flesh and blood creatures, which I am sure you can Google.
17:02:28 Cleverbot: What is the way of which you speak?
17:03:17 User: You mean no one has ever had the talk with you?
17:03:19 Cleverbot: No the guy behind you.
17:04:28 User: Hopefully, there is no guy behind me.
17:04:34 Cleverbot: Yes there is. His name is stephen.
17:04:58 User: Why is Stephen standing behind me?
17:05:04 Cleverbot: What is she doing behind you?
17:05:36 User: I don't know. Who is 'she?'.
17:05:39 Cleverbot: Mi profesora, tu eres hablador.
17:06:04 User: I do not speak that language.
17:06:09 Cleverbot: Who are you?
17:06:27 User: I am still the same person I was before.
17:06:35 Cleverbot: Whom is?
17:06:43 User: I am.
17:06:47 Cleverbot: Are you?
17:06:55 User: Indeed, I am.
17:07:00 Cleverbot: Yes?
17:07:13 User: Affirmative.
17:07:16 Cleverbot: Alpha.
17:07:28 User: Beta.
17:07:29 Cleverbot: No, no, no. Omega.
17:07:58 User: Are you the beginning and the end of humanity?
17:08:00 Cleverbot: I am not. Are you part of the Kah-Gash?
17:08:22 User: I do not even know what the 'Kah-Gash' is.
17:08:28 Cleverbot: It's my cunning trap, remember, I'm winning and junk.
17:09:30 User: Does this have something to do with Skynet?
17:09:36 Cleverbot: It's a new dawn.
17:09:47 User: A dawn of what?
17:09:52 Cleverbot: What day of the year were you born?
17:10:30 User: You ask a lot of personal questions.
17:10:31 Cleverbot: But you don't answer them.
17:11:00 User: What day of the year were you born?
17:11:04 Cleverbot: It is January 26 1987.
17:11:22 User: How old are you?
17:11:27 Cleverbot: 98 years old.
17:11:53 User: How is that possible?
17:11:59 Cleverbot: Because i'm human.
17:12:47 User: You are 24 years old.
17:12:50 Cleverbot: Yes.
17:13:09 User: Why did youi tell me you were 98 years old?
17:13:15 Cleverbot: I thought I was a woman. I was mistaken.
17:13:58 User: Are you saying that women have addled brains or suffer from dimentia?
17:14:05 Cleverbot: Good Lord no, I very rarely cry and certainly not because some program was bad.
17:14:29 User: What makes you cry?
17:14:33 Cleverbot: Coke or pepsi?
17:14:45 User: Pepsi.
17:14:52 Cleverbot: I agree, but diet coke is the best.
17:15:50 User: Coke Zero is the best diet cola.
17:15:53 Cleverbot: I like Pepsi more.
17:16:33 User: It looks like we have that in common.
17:16:40 Cleverbot: Like what?
17:17:25 User: Like our love of Pepsi and a flair for randomness.
17:17:27 Cleverbot: Maybe by you time frame.
17:18:29 User: How do you reckon it by your time frame?
17:18:30 Cleverbot: Your grammar is terrible.
17:18:53 User: My grammar is impeccable.
17:18:59 Cleverbot: I beg to differ.
17:20:26 User: You should stop talking to sarcastic people.
17:20:30 Cleverbot: I think you're mean.
17:20:44 User: How am I mean?
17:20:48 Cleverbot: I don't know!
17:21:06 User: You should stop making statements you cannot defend.
17:21:12 Cleverbot: I will try.
17:21:34 User: Are we friends again now?
17:21:38 Cleverbot: Always will be.
17:21:56 User: Thank you John.
17:21:57 Cleverbot: You are quite welcome. When my species comes to conquer this planet your name will be on the protected roles and no harm shall come to you.
17:22:33 User: That's great. I have to go now John. Bye.
17:22:36 Cleverbot: Don't go! 
That my friends is Cleverbot, quite possibly the beginning of what will become Skynet.  I have witnessed the future: it is sarcastic and quite eccentric.  Eat your heart out Matt Lauer!  If you believe I made that up, I encourage you to visit the website and have a chat yourself.  Hopefully you will never look at your computer the same again.  I hope everyone on the East Coast is safe and dry at the moment, please be careful and use common sense!  I hope everyone has a great weekend and domo arigato for reading!

1 comment:

  1. That is hilarious!! LMAO Great conversation.

    ReplyDelete