Monday, January 28, 2013

Happy Anniversary (Belated)

File Under: Keeping the Faith

This past January 22nd I celebrated my 3 year anniversary on the Inter-webs, and I am approaching my long overdue 50th post.  I know, I know - it is time to pick up the pace.  With you faithful few I will; and, together you and I - we will change the world.

For those of you close to me in the struggle, you know this has been a rocky, tumultuous 3 years.  I have risen to incredible heights and sunk to incredible lows.  In the spring of 2011 as my physical health began its precipitous downward spiral, I had a serious car wreck that though I escaped without significant physical damage, nonetheless shook me mentally.  I never did thank my brother for dutifully driving me everywhere I needed to go, no matter when, until I was emotionally ready to get behind the wheel of an automobile again.  By the end of the summer of 2012 I had to move away from my adoptive family whose love and support had become a rock for me, I had lost my job, I lost most of my friends, and it felt like the Universe was collapsing around me.  You could summarize the whole experience as a sharp, twisting spiral into darkness and despair.

"Through the Wire," by Kanye West from College Dropout (c) 2004 Roc-a-Fella

However much I wanted to on so many occasions, I did not give in to it.  Throughout it all, I have tasted anger, fear, pain, desperation, doubt, self-loathing, and even a little madness.  I have been tried, tested, weighed, measured, found wanting, and failed.  I had to redefine who and what I am as a person and as a man.  I had to evaluate old ideas and beliefs which failed me in times of crisis, and form new more realistic ones.  I had to discover levels of strength and resiliency I did not know existed within myself.  I have become a master at bracing for a fall and picking myself up again.  I had to change.  I had to grow.  I had to evolve.

The other day I came home fired up to write something about the evolution of society, America, and partisan politics.  On my way in I checked my mailbox, my real mailbox, and I found a green postcard.  I had been anxiously awaiting this letter, both with eagerness and dread.  It was: the payoff for not giving in to the darkness and the despair; the end result of all that change, growth, and evolution; and, a tiny victory in a battle going 2 years strong now.  So I said to 'heck with politics for a few, I'm going to celebrate life.'

For those of you close to me in the struggle, you know this has been a rocky, tumultuous 3 years.  I love and appreciate those of you who have stuck by my side throughout it all - good, bad, and ugly.  To those of you who lost faith, whether it be in me or the message, Godspeed you on your journey.  For those of you unfamiliar ny struggle, I know you each have gone or will go through your own crucible at some time in your own individual lives.  Keep the faith.  You only begin to find out what you are truly capable of at the moment when you think you are capable of no more.

"It's So Hard," by Big Pun from Yeeeah Baby (c) 2000 Terror Squad/Loud
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