Saturday, January 23, 2010

Holiday Inn Beta-Testing Pre-slept in Beds

File under: You Must Have Been High

To break this one down I am going to need the aid of a mind more powerful than my own. I must call on these words, attributed to Albert Einstein:

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

What is the one thing every traveler wants even more than a warm bed, even more than a comfortable bed? I am not sure, perhaps a fresh, clean, and not slept-in bed. In glaring spite of that bit of conventional wisdom, someone who is utterly wasting a perfectly good college education and obviously makes more money than they deserve has suggested that at the request of patrons, a hotel employee in a fleece onesie will snuggle up between your sheets. Before you get any ideas, no he or she will not still be there when you get in although that development could be in the pipe. Hey, it gets lonely on the road. Back to Albert’s words: Free Wi-Fi and HOT continental breakfast (available until 11 not 9) – genius, human bed-warmers – stupidity. Business executives reading this, I can make charts and graphs for you if you need. I see now the underlying problem with our economy: businesses have run out of ideas, good ones at least, and they are trying anything. I think I will steer away from politics and law, and try my hand at business. That way I can receive forgiveness, and payment, for all of my foolish ideas.

Adding insult to injury Holiday Inn attempts to justify their stupidity with scientific research; and, if there is one thing I cannot abide it is misuse or abuse of science. No, No, No, bad corporate marketing executive, bad! You fail, do not pass go and do not collect $200. How about complimentary room upgrades, free nights, or as the reporter posits – electric blankets. Any of those could make me sleep better; unfortunately, I am not with you on the human bed-warmer, sorry. However, if any hotel ever decides to implement warm cookies and milk with a complimentary tuck-in service, you could possibly persuade me.

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